Words I Never Heard In The Bible

On November 2, 1969, Simon & Garfunkel recorded three songs for their final album Bridge Over Troubled Water: “El Condor Pasa (If I Could)”, “Cecilia"“, and “Keep The Customer Satisfied.” You probably know and love the first two.

That last one gets lost in the retrospectives about one of the best-selling albums of all time. Simon & Garfunkel’s recording session history is almost as legendarily detailed as The Beatles’ or Steely Dan’s, yet this track garners exactly one sentence in the books. It always plays second fiddle to “Homeward Bound”, which might be a better song, but isn’t as much fun.

The last 50 years have made a myth of the man, but Paul Simon has always been hard at work canonizing himself into a folk-hero. Despite occasionally out-selling The Fab Four, Paul Simon adopts the mask of a beleaguered troubadour. No doubt the duo’s world-touring was exhausting, hastening their inevitable split, but multi-millionaire and household name Paul Simon was not exactly “One step away from the shoeshine.” It’s hard to imagine a sheriff telling him to pack his bag and skip town without even asking for an autograph.

Maybe it’s rockist hagiography to interpret this cynical song title as a reaction to the hatemail the duo received after their controversial CBS Broadcast Songs for America. People did not like the venture into the political—popularity often demanded folk artists defang themselves, even the agreeable boys from Queens. Despite the song’s buoyant beat and delivery, it’s impossible to misinterpret the message, “I’m so tired” of keeping the customer satisfied. And yet, peerless performer that he is, Paul can’t stop dancing for the people shooting his feet.

The song builds magnificently, Paul’s guitar jangling alone until the rest of the band comes piece by piece, like so many rabbits pulled from a hat. Joe Osborn, of the LA Wrecking Crew fame, lays down one hell of a bassline for what critics call a throwaway track. The brass section pokes in just a note here and a trill there, until the breathless finale which could peel the paint off a Pontiac. It’s a perfect pop-folk song that doesn’t dither or dally, relentless as the touring troubadour it enshrines.

It’s oft remarked that humans were not meant to be rockstars. To stand before a congregation of 50,000 repeating every word, every night, does something irreversible. It’s inconceivable power even to those who wield it. “Keep the Customer Satisfied” casts Simon in a smaller, more comfortable role. There’s a nostalgia for the earlier days of his own career, even if they weren’t actually better. That precarity once promised potential. Staring down the barrel of an acrimonious end with Artie, it makes perfect sense that Paul would reach for the past. The struggle once overcome retains none of its fear, only the assurance of future victory.

If you want to remain sympathetic, you can’t admit fame changed you. It is, as Paul confesses, “the same old story.” Even the biggest braggadoccios in rock, metal, and rap, take pains to assert their credibility and relatability, when they wouldn’t be caught dead in the CVS pharmacies where their music finds its most frequent airplay. And it’s amusing, ironic, that Paul Simon’s dedication to this scrappy folk-hero image is integral to imbuing him with such celebrity. That aw-shucks singer-songwriter shtick never went out of style because he wears it so well, so guilelessly. He gives us exactly what we want: unpretentious yet resonant bops. He knows precisely how to keep his customers satisfied.

I honestly listen to this song more than any other on the album. What a delight to hear something that feels new from the voice you’ve heard a million times before.